You Teach People How to Treat You

There is a deeper meaning in the way people treat you!

People will suck the living energy out of you if you don’t put a plug in it. With people, I mean, your husband or wife, friends, family and even strangers. I used to think, the more talents you have, the more others are misusing you until I got to the core of this. I had an extreme intervention and an internal Kickboxing fight with myself until these 7 words won…


I don’t even have to say anything else. I might as well put a full stop and call it a day, but you know me, I use every gap I can get to get the words out.

We don’t like to admit this, but when we are being idiots, we tend to mingle with idiots, so we could feel normal! Now take a moment and reflect on that! It is painstakingly true! Mainly because we adapt (for approval) and while we are out of our normal behavior/character/personality/mentality or whatever you want to call it, we are like clay, taken out of the jar! You are being molded in anyone’s hands when you are pressed hard enough. The more we give in, the worse our situation gets.

Hands on Pottery Clay

How do we know if we suffer from this dreaded disease called: “mentality-less-ness”?

There really are stacks of examples, but let’s name a few pointers:

1. Your personality is not fixed. As in, you react like a garage sale of personalities, in different environments. At home, you are soft and pleasing, at work you are trying to be tough, at your family’s home, you are the joker, etc.

2. You find it hard to say “NO”. In fact, even though you know that saying “Yes” to something means you are saying “No” to yourself.

3. You are always busy… with other people’s stuff. I don’t mean gossip etc. I mean in a good way. You are cooking and cleaning and serving your husband in such a way that you have not shaved your own legs for the past… let’s say… 8 weeks!

4. People are walking over you. When you want to start a conversation, it feels like no one is actually listening to you, or they interrupt and turn the entire conversation elsewhere.

5. You have been abused, and even apologized for it.

6. You feel you have more potential inside of you than anybody else can see.

And SERIOUSLY number 6 is the most important! If you feel that you have more potential inside of you than what is currently seen by others, only means, that you are not living your life to it’s highest potential. There are no exceptions to this fact. The result is – you get stuck in being who you know you aren’t! Think of a Coffee pod; it is just a small container with a few dried ingredients, but with a little bit of pressure and heat, it can fill up a room with the smell of coffee. You have more potential inside of you than you think!

Coffee Pods

How’s that working for you?

When we were kids and we were still innocent (and dumb), we all remember that cold scare when mom/dad would get angry with us. My dad used to transform into some Robot Machine. He would still use his normal loveable words, but in a deep DEEP voice. It sounded like it echoes against the walls and hit me flat out in the face. Then he’d say, “Pa-sssssssop vir jou”. Oh my word, at that moment, my skin would literally crumble up like a dried out raisin. And whatever I wanted to ask him, instantly left my brains to go sit in the jammer-hoekie, until I gather enough words to form a sentence.

Now, I’m not saying, go out and tell everyone to shut up. We are molded from a young age and it was called “discipline”, then we expect it to continue for the rest of our lives, but it’s not true. Discipline ends when you leave the house after your last school day, thereafter it becomes guidance and should be done in an adult way.


That is where boundaries come in! If you don’t have boundaries, you become the clay. See, the person who is most certain will influence the other one. We cannot expect anyone else to sniff out our boundaries – we have to TELL THEM!
And how does it sound?
Something like this :

“No, I will not be able to attend, but I truly hope you enjoy it.”

“I did not make dinner, tonight we are cooking together.”

“No, I will not be able to lend you any money.”

“I will not let anyone talk down to me, I am a woman and deserve to be treated that way.”

See what I did there? I did not apologize or give any reasons. You don’t have to! Why would you need to explain to someone else why you are not going to lend him/her money, or miss an event, etc.? It is none of their business.

The best way to predict how people will treat you is to teach them how to!

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Kiki Smit
Kiki Smit

Real Life Editor

Kiki Smit is an energetic bundle of humor and passion. The moment you meet her, you instantly feel like she's your best friend. She is an internationally qualified Relationship Life-Coach and Family Law Mediator. She tackles the whole shebang when it comes to couples. Although she is not a promoter of divorce, sometimes it is inevitable. Therefore as a family law mediator she handles divorce procedures to settle your divorce, maintenance and parenting plan agreements in a legally binding decree.

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