Ever since I can remember I have been the “fat” one. All my friends being thin and sharing clothing has never actually bothered me. I mean why would I want to wear someone else’s clothes anyway? I was happy with the fact that I never had to compete with something like that. Welcome to my weight loss journey.
When I got to high school I just never mixed with people that were skinnier, due to the fact that I was bullied and called the worst names. But still, I didn’t let it get to me because I was happy in my own weird way. In my last year of school having to pick out a dress for my matric dance was mortifying. That’s where I really started to notice that maybe I’m a little bit overweight and I’m definitely not built like the other girls in my grade. This however still didn’t really have a big impact on my life. I carried on like I normally would with my day to day life…
2lt of fizzy drinks, 2 – 3 chocolate bars and a packet of chutney flavoured chips a day
Food used to be my comfort, it made me feel better about every part of my life and even my body. It sometimes helped me to cope with everything I have been through. The first 3 years after school were hectic. I lost my best friend after her battle with the Big C. My mother became a rape survivor, and we had numerous housebreakings. Life to me only felt good when I was eating, the sweeter the better and then I only wanted more.
It wasn’t until a couple of months ago when I really started to notice that my pants were sitting much tighter than they did a year ago. Most of the places where I used to buy my clothes didn’t have sizes that fit me anymore. I started rethinking my way of life. People noticed that I have gained a lot of weight but no one really cared enough to say anything.
Until one day…
I remember it like it was yesterday. On the 15th of February 2019, it felt like my whole world came tumbling down. After having a deep conversation with a work colleague, I decided that enough was enough. I could not carry on with the life that I was living! I started to make plans that weekend and I decided what I was going to do, how I would do it, and what my goals would be. Most importantly, why I wanted to do it. I decided on Monday, the 18th of February 2019, that I will start. My goal was to lose 20kgs. I finally weighed myself that evening and I got the shock of my life. I never considered in a million years that I might weigh over 200kgs! Then it hit me…
If I carry on this way, I will never live a long and happy life
Since February I have lost a total of 34kg, which I never thought was possible, but having the correct mindset and a wonderful goal in mind made me fight for it. It started with a choice. I’m not saying that I will never consume sugar again (I have failed more than once), but getting back up and pushing yourself again makes the fight even more worthwhile. I have Monday evenings where I get onto the scale crying myself to sleep just because I only lost 1kg and not 4 to 5 kg like the other weeks. Yes, it gets tough. Yes, the weight loss struggle is not easy! But, I keep telling myself…
If this was easy, everyone would be doing it.
I know there are so many women out there fighting the weight loss battle. Just remember, you are not alone! You can do this! It might seem impossible today, but even the word itself tells you I’M POSSIBLE!
Set a reasonable and achievable goal over an acceptable time and work towards that. You will be amazed by what you can accomplish if you believe in yourself and STOP telling yourself lies.
You are beautiful and you are strong enough to overcome this.
And just remember one thing: take before and after photos (I never did). Being able to see the change truly helps you to stay motivated. I totally hated full-length photos and I have learnt to love them. I am far from where I want to be but I’m a lot closer now than I was 6 months ago.
Much love to every beautiful woman out there NO matter what the size of your jeans – you are wonderful you are loved and you are blessed.
Written by Petenzia Swartz