Cheating: Getting Back In the Saddle After Forgiving

Most of my blogs have either been very amusing or entertaining. But today, I decided to write about something a bit more serious. Something a lot of women find challenging to deal with while trying to be the ideal partner, wife or girlfriend – a cheating partner!

Why do people cheat?

People tend to cheat for many different reasons, none worth writing home about as there is no real excuse, but to ease some of our readers’ minds, I have done some research on this being a victim to infidelity myself. The fact of the matter is, because the sex didn’t mean much to them at the time and was simply available, they severely underestimated how devastating their behavior might be to their partner.

How do I engage in sexual activity again after being cheated on?

Quite frankly, it does not matter who the guilty party was. Hopping back into the saddle after infidelity requires a lot of healing and a lot of commitment. Every person has their own way of coping with such an experience. Some tend to have even more sex with their partners to try and compete with the “other one”. Others starve their partners in the hopes of them coming crawling back, all the while sometimes driving them straight into temptation’s arms.

When I went through this, I kept questioning my ability to please my partner. The truth is, ladies, if it is in your partner to walk the dark roads of infidelity, they are going to walk those roads whether you look like a 1970’s Olivia Newton-John or a Modern-day Rebel Wilson. How you heal from this experience is completely up to you.

First, and most importantly, make the decision on whether you are going to forgive. If you decide to do so, you cannot turn back to the pain when it’s convenient. You have given a second chance, now allow your partner to redeem themselves.

Try to slowly ease back into intimacy again by trying the following (note that you HAVE to have made the choice to accept and forgive FIRST):

  1. Spending more intimate time together. Run a hot bath and allow your partner to scrub your back or massage your shoulders. Allow your senses to roam.
  2. Speak to someone about it. Be it a professional or just a friend. You have to allow yourself to deal with the emotions. Do not bottle up.
  3. Don’t compare yourself to the “other person”. Different people have different traits and to assume you are not as good as the “other person” is like comparing an apple to an onion.
  4. Learn how to discuss sex openly and honestly with your partner. A couple needs to learn how to discuss intimacy and what their needs are in a non-judgmental way.
  5. Break away together. Go on a trip, alone. Have some fun and rather make new memories and blacken out the hurt. Allow yourself to fall in love with the small things that caught your attention in the first place.

However you decide to deal with the situation, remember that you have made the choice to move forward.

Read more Sex
Read more Health

Christelle du Plessis
Christelle du Plessis

Sex Editor

Christelle du Plessis was born and raised in the North West province. Her passion is working with young women and creating a space for them where they feel safe to express their emotions and where they will become equipped to change the circumstances they are in. Christelle is a social butterfly and she would like to think of herself as a very strong-minded and determined young woman. Instead of changing the world, she wants to empower people to do it themselves.

1 Comment
  1. Wow this is a very good article. I can’t relate but I know many people who can and will definitely send the link on

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

BLOSS is an international media platform for South African women who live all over the world in the age group, 20 – 35 years. We integrate print and technology through innovative and exciting ways to keep things fresh, modern and interactive.