Ask Kiki: My Partner Lacks Emotion, Help!

Hi Kiki, 

My partner and I can have a great conversation when we are texting, but face to face, he is struggling to show emotion! Do you have some tips to slap the emotions right into them?

AskKiki - My partner lacks emotion

Dear Miss-Aligned

You are one of many who wants to wack the emotion right out of their partners. I can tell you, that it is not Maybelline, they were born with it! It could also be that showing emotion was not rewarded as a child. Maybe they got extremely hurt in previous relationships or the never had a role model or someone who could teach them to show emotions! But now you’ve come along and I will help you out.

If anyone that has a distorted example of emotions, struggled in the past, oh boy, are they going to struggle in the future. And the reason: Emoji’s!

The one damn face that can pop a smiley when you feel like sh!t.    (Which happens to be an icon for chocolate ice-cream).

Those faces replaced every inkling of the emotions we had left. You just need to swipe and suddenly the world of emotion opens right in front of you and you can pick one… or several.

When someone tells you a funny story, you can be crying, while laughing and blushing while you feel shocked. Try that narcotic mix of emotions in real life. It’s a red nose short of a clown in a transvestite make-up expo.

But on the phone it looks like this:

EmojisThese little pictured faces invaded our emotional control and YES, we need to take it back!

Images are made to enhance words, not replace them.


I have two powerful tips that will have a huge impact:

Go Emoji free

Avoid using any emojis on your text messages for at least a few months. When you feel something – type it.

“I was so shocked when I heard it” instead of 

“I love you” instead of

This way, you take a few small steps in learning how to express emotion on a deeper level, than to just swipe away till the right face pop’s up.

Keep your contact minimum during the day

Say what? Yes, you heard me! Feel free to text each other, but when something happens and you want to tell your partner, write it down and wait until they get home. Most people share their entire day through the quick access of your phone, and when you see someone face-to-face, you’ve already shared everything and there is nothing left to talk about.

I am Silence Head with wordsNow we also need to keep in mind that your partner might have never had the guidance to show emotions and it will be your job to teach it. Here are two things you both need to do:

  1. Keep your sentences long. The longer the sentence, the more expressive and descriptive it will be. This will give enough room for emotional words to pop in.
  2. Communicate your emotions. Don’t just go lay down on the couch, rather say: “I had a difficult day, I feel tired, I’m just going to lay down for a while.” This expresses to your partner that they did nothing wrong, you are acting on your feelings.

Try incorporating these actions into your daily routine. You will be amazed at how much of an influence it has on your emotional communication.

Also, you can check out this communication exercise, absolutely free!

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Kiki Smit
Kiki Smit

Real Life Editor

Kiki Smit is an energetic bundle of humor and passion. The moment you meet her, you instantly feel like she's your best friend. She is an internationally qualified Relationship Life-Coach and Family Law Mediator. She tackles the whole shebang when it comes to couples. Although she is not a promoter of divorce, sometimes it is inevitable. Therefore as a family law mediator she handles divorce procedures to settle your divorce, maintenance and parenting plan agreements in a legally binding decree.

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