Ask Kiki: Happy… Until I Got Married

Hi Kiki,

My husband and I dated for 4 years and after getting married, we lasted for 5 months of marriage. We are in the process of getting divorced. What on earth happened and how do I prevent this in the future?

 

Dear MissCalculated

Your question is great and although this is not a situation that crosses many paths, I could feel your frustration in my heart and I just had to answer your question. And boy, do I have an answer!

There are many role players in this unsuccessful movie, which can be lack of commitment, sobering up from the honeymoon hangover or even just internal issues on each individuals side, but here is something to remember:

So the word to memorize in this situation is ‘BORING‘! And in relationships, “boring” pops up 2 times!

Before the wedding… Then it is crucial and VERY important and it may save a marriage

After the wedding… Then it can demolish whatever you had going on!

Before the wedding:

Couple standing back to back under umbrella

When you meet your future husband/wife, there are many firsts… first date, first kiss, meeting the parents, meeting the friends, getting to know each other, holidays, jobs etc. We all let things settle down before we get married, yup, like, you both make sure you have a steady job and a place to stay and transport is sorted, and then you get married. You are busy with wedding and honeymoon arrangements. And after the honeymoon-hangover has passed… you’re back and… Booooring!!

I always compare this to a beauty queen. In her reigning year, she is the glits and glamour of the industry, then she hands her crown over to her successor and BOOM, she goes back to just being a woman!

So it is crucial to have the Boring-phase BEFORE the wedding!

See, that moment you sit in front of the TV on a Saturday night, watching re-runs of some dubbed Chinese cooking show, totally bored and nothing to do and you STILL feel like you want to be nowhere else but there, next to your partner – THEN YOU ARE READY TO GET MARRIED!

The golden rule is :

Never get married until you can be happily bored together

Never let the illusion of being married, peer pressure, age or anything else, blind you. Don’t mess up your great years for a title!

Also, don’t take pre-marital courses lightly. There are crucial conversation and know-hows that can save your relationship or marriage BEFORE you hit the turbulence. You need to plan your marriage before you plan your wedding.

After the wedding:

Husband and Wife with wedding rings

You might have heard this before, but marriage is hard work. It requires stepping up and also stepping down – sometimes at the same time, and this can be tricky. Even a healthy plant can’t grow if you don’t water it. For less than the price of a Starbucks Coffee, you can get yourself some date night ideas by clicking here.

Communication and being best friends (start by doing fun things together), will save any marriage downhills.

If you want to be happy again – go back and live like you did the last time you were happy.

So I am truly sorry that things didn’t work out for you, and still praying that a miracle will cross your path and you will reunite in the most significant way. If not, I believe that you have learned this crucial lesson and the future will be filled with happiness.

May you have loads of success in your future choices!

Kiki

 xox

Kiki Smit
Kiki Smit

Real Life Editor

Kiki Smit is an energetic bundle of humor and passion. The moment you meet her, you instantly feel like she's your best friend. She is an internationally qualified Relationship Life-Coach and Family Law Mediator. She tackles the whole shebang when it comes to couples. Although she is not a promoter of divorce, sometimes it is inevitable. Therefore as a family law mediator she handles divorce procedures to settle your divorce, maintenance and parenting plan agreements in a legally binding decree.

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