7 Signs You’re Too Kind and How To Change

Being nice is not a bad thing, on the contrary – nice guys finish last, and hey, who wouldn’t want to be last and eat all the leftovers.

While you are saving up the crumbs to hopefully build your own cookie, someone else is running away with the cookie jar.

Nice people are usually always busy helping others, dishing out their time and money like an Oprah episode.   They cannot stand up for themselves and they don’t know how to say “No”.  If this sounds familiar, then I bet you agree that cutting a too long conversation short or turning down an invitation, is way easier said than done.

You can only conquer what you are willing to confront. Being aware of your personality traits makes working on them so much easier.

Below are 7 signs to tell if you are a Little Miss Nice and ways to fix it.

1. You knew you were a people-pleaser even before you started reading this article.

Woman with HairdryerWelcome, you special one! You just visited yourself in your own prison.  Glad you could make it!  We are thrilled to have you here!

2. You never voice your opinion

Woman covering mouthYou would rather eat the chips you got, even though you ordered a salad with your food, just because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  When in fact, you will only be hurting your own diet.  People aren’t always right, neither are you, we all appreciate someone who can help us after we made a mistake.

Try saying: “Would you please be so kind as to change the chips for a salad.”

3.  When you have to confront someone, you keep it universal.

Two fingers having an argumentYou are too scared to take on a face to face statement, so you would rather depersonalize and keep it indirect.  This is you “People usually iron the clothes on the outside, but it is better to iron on the inside”.

Try to make your sentences shorter when giving commands. The above sentence would then look like this:  “Please iron the clothes on the inside

4.  You say “Yes” to someone, knowing that you don’t have the time for it

Yes and NoPeople love having you in their lives.  You will do everything for them and suddenly you are a doormat who bends over backwards.  You might be one favour away from breaking your back.

Try to say “No”, without giving a reason.  Start with. “I am sorry, I won’t be able to do that.” And end the conversation.

5.  Your “sorry-button” is stuck on repeat

You wear this word out to the brim and you find yourself apologizing for things that are not your fault, like when someone bumps you with a trolley in the supermarket.

Try to focus on the word “Sorry” before using it.  Make sure it is appropriate before you just spit it out.

6.  Your calendar is always packed with things you don’t want to do.

Booked CalendarThis is usually because you said YES, without thinking it through.  Check your calendar, if the ratio is lopsided in the favour of other people, you are officially diagnosed as too nice.

Try starting your day by filling your calendar entries with things you need to do for yourself, then you can fill the gaps for other people if you absolutely have to.

7.  You’re afraid of being rejected.

Eggs RejectedFear of rejection might be the engine that keeps your entire motor running, therefore you fuel up by being overly nice.  You don’t need approval, especially not from people who do not deserve your kindness.

Try to reverse the questions in your mind.  Instead of asking “Are they going to like me?”, rather ask “Am I going to like them?

Don’t let people mistake your kindness for a weakness

The results won’t happen overnight, neither did the problem, but if you consistently focus to change it, you can become stronger and independent.

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Kiki Smit
Kiki Smit

Real Life Editor

Kiki Smit is an energetic bundle of humor and passion. The moment you meet her, you instantly feel like she's your best friend. She is an internationally qualified Relationship Life-Coach and Family Law Mediator. She tackles the whole shebang when it comes to couples. Although she is not a promoter of divorce, sometimes it is inevitable. Therefore as a family law mediator she handles divorce procedures to settle your divorce, maintenance and parenting plan agreements in a legally binding decree.

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